A Thank-You Note

I could write you a love note
But I don't dare
For you'd only feel embarrassed
And tell me, "I'm nothing special"
Which only makes you more

Simple chance, and chance again
Was all that it took to illuminate
More serious similarities
Of soul and body and laughing spirit

Hazy days of hot smoking summers at the window
And dreamlike meetings on the carved rocks
The beginning ended quickly
And the rest of time began

So many single entities that embody you
Kind and gentle
Strong and clear
All good words and all good reactions
That confuse me, I don't know how to act,
So instead I am myself-
What a strange engagement

I say yes more now
And there are slips of comfortable truth
That I don't doubt
But I still must only be myself
As you are yours

No awkward verse could translate reality
Which may have no definition
But this existence is made sweeter by you-
I know my own worth
And suffering is turned to passion and joy

Monarchy

No head may be higher than the king's
Who kneels down before all his concubines
Prostrate with folded hands and a sly glance up


Lay on the ground with me, my queen
For I cannot bear your face so far above me
Ever-present as a distant god

Become human so we may share souls
And hold my eyes with yours, face to face
Here on this cold marble floor

I would do anything to keep you here with me
How can I rise to your height when I am made of clay
And your shining face cures my form



Let me tie a string to your leg
Let me plant a garden in your meadow
Let me shield you from the world, for you are my sacred idol



No queen may be higher than the king
As we play the parts of mother, sister, lover
All-powerful with bowed heads

I See the Wind

Late-Summer wind is sweet and warm

And powerful as a dragon

The current wraps ‘round my limbs

I am floating in the universal amniotic sac

My soul heaves against the gates 

I would fly if I simply fell into the life-giving ribbons

For my body cannot be ruled by gravity

While my soul flies beyond 

Still I am sturdy and free like the dancing limbs

Of the honey trees breathing in the breezes

The tingling of the stained glass chime

Marks its discordant tempo to the air’s melody

Unbottled liquid courage

Filled with scents of far-off-lands and adventure

My lungs cannot breathe deeply enough

The dancing molecules that sing so loudly

They block out the sharpness of the stars 

And I am left single-bodied and complete

September 11, 2016- 12:30 am

Wax Statue

She is never sure what the others see

Beyond lacquered lashes and ruby mouth

Circling the looking-glass

That leads to her twisted soul

Tied up in knotted ribbons

Sampson’s hair wrapped round her heart

Woven thread by thread

More decoration to soothe her flushed flace

Withered from tragedy and despair

Reborn through youth and beauty

I am a harlot beyond the bible’s reckoning

Collecting gems of sideways glances

Given freely yet stolen by my avarice

From willing grateful victims

Art collectors

Unaware their gaze is my only muse

Hold still as an ancient petroglyph

You might unkink that curled hair

Or snap apart that smile

Used to put strangers at ease

Cochineal lips and fringed eyes

Like a painted bisque doll
You are a perfect mannequin in the mirror
Made opaque from a lifetime of reflection


August 13th, 11:44 pm

Untitled

Do you know how I’d like to die?

I’d like to drown in the big blue sea,

Tossed on storm-beaten frothy waves.

My body will sink down into the still and dark

Where monsters can eat the flesh-

Deep as a whale’s carcass.

The frozen northern ocean could preserve me -

An ice cold cocktail of potent spirits

To numb my mind and catalyze

Fear’s release, hardening every vein

And every fluid-filled cell.

May the current take away the bones-

Hide them from land-locked funeral procession.

I’ll lie under silt and stone and shadows

So that nobody views the decay

Of my pale and bloated soul.

Friday, August 12th, 3:25 pm

2:45 am

I once said that it was you
That kept me from sleeping
With your shaking and twisting

Deep dreams and tired protests
Which flung me into a dark pit
Where I sat sad and lonely

Now I lie alone
In a bed too big for one body
And still I cannot sleep

Today's Sunrise: 5:49 am

Early light, one more time
I am wide awake with a sweating soul
After days of gluttony
No rest when I must drink in
Every drop of hope that can be found

The paling sky shines softer
Than the faded moon,
Prophecy
To the anti-lullaby of of birds,
And I wait for the first stirring
Of true day

Past the crickets' cacophony
And the vague creature sounds
Beyond the forest's door
The first bird-song breaks open
A bell ringing like a waterfall
Sudden and sweet
And gone before the first note has finished

Echoing into all my memories
Of anxious nights
And new dawn greetings
The sudden tears brought
In telling my own truth

As the birds join together
In ceremony, speaking in tongues
But worshipping together
The same new day
That now taunts me with its innocence

Alight

Like reincarnation,
The burning flowers
Bloom into my eyes-
Those wooden orbs
Which sink within the flesh of my face
Weighing down into my whole soul
Dulled by greyscale filter

But!
When these dry windowframes catch fire,
Hazy like my lungs,
I see again
All beauty of colour and light
Outside the planes of my own
Polarized reality

fuck you, but please fuck me

up til four
i'll always be your personal whore
if you only feed me more
put down the bed
and pour the wine
i'll choke down my pills
we'll both feel fine
i'm fragile like a porcelain doll
and brutish like a bull
i break myself with every fall
and you with every pull

fighting or fucking
there's no in-between
when you're a needy drama queen

Wednesday

My hands are cold
And my thoughts are snarled
But the sun still shines
On the whole damn world

Mourir un peu, mon amour.

I save myself in stealing souls,

As many as I can sweep up in one fierce night

A bright set of eyes, a lock of silken hair

Wrapped in boxes on my shelf

Neglected but forever loved

Always in their place when it’s done-

Clean your room, my mother said

Dust it well, make your bed

I would rather be a speechless beast

And watch in blank curiosity

The carnival below the hill-

Pulsing, blinding lights

Warped music in the wind-

Staying on the path left by unnamed ancestors

Only doing what they should,

Pacing through time in the unlit woods

But hear me howl,

I bay for blood and lap it from outstretched hands

Never filled and ever thirsty

Begging for another scrap

I will starve to death

Don’t you believe me? 

How I sing when love is in my throat

Stolen from pretty boys and girls

Too pure with souls not yet unfurled

I am better than bad, but not much

Split in two like Solomon’s babe-

Mother, save me from myself

Or I will die on the sword’s judicial edge

Black-and-white, yes no yes no

Oh my god, fuck me slow

I give so little and take it all

But I will never confess to my victims,

For every death is beautiful

In a vast and shattered glory

When it makes that ocean sound

Of constant waves crashing down

Disjointed miracles in my own brain

Lead me to believe we are all shamans

Testing our own limits of belief and understanding

But I want 

         Your drugs

                  Your chants

                            Your spirit

Let me suck the marrow from your bones

And wear your white teeth around my neck

The birds can have your hair for nests-

I will eat the heart

As many as I can cut from chests

Left open to my knife

That sings gentle and low on the whetstone

I love you          I love you

And all my sweethearts feel like the sea-

Wrap me in waves of salt and serpents

Pulsing together and pulled by the moon

To fertility and inevitable decay

Spilling over with blood from the cup

A spectacle of blatant tragedy, 

Whipped to froth and frenzy

A thousand fractured splinters,

And here I thought they glittered

Scattered through the universe

But they are only dead bits cast-off as gifts

Here- take me, I cannot sell myself

To any bidder, for I am priceless

Only worth worshipping piece from piece

A neverending gluttonous feast

Take the poison now and die unspent

Or fight for every taste less soothing,

Ask for more until you fall into your grave

The last bed of the well-rested son

Always up early to greet the morning through the trees-

Sleep, sleep some more with me

Hear that steady roar again?

The thumping of the death drum

That drives us to the cliff-

I live for that flowing blood and wet skin

The sounds of despair in any delight

Knowing that’s one less sweet grape to eat,

An empty skin left at my feet

The ambient sound of extinction

Sleepy-slow as a lullaby

Filling that ache behind my eyes,

Rushing in and out of open lips

Too bitter to speak, too dear to kiss

How many nights have I spent like this?

Visions opened on my own deep fear

Of too many loves and not enough years


-November 24, 2015, 11:30 pm-