Golden Apple

I am so accustomed to forgiveness

Receiving it like an expectant greedy child

That I take offense to your bartering

You put a price on the water of life 

Which I need to cleanse the stains on my heart

The foul marks left of my own wrongdoing

Still I blame you for the symptoms 

The hard chill that sweeps through my soul

Bitter at its own selfish appetite

More hungry with each slight scent of Spring

And new beginnings in any reality

Though I know the stories won't fill me up

But you’re sweet like the first golden apple

That fell to the ground before my weary eyes

Tempting me with the promise of rebirth

Though I knew I must be my own midwife

I let your sweet wisdom take me from my self

And became the reflection of your own light

Now the silver mirror has tarnished

Turned to a blood moon full of ripeness and decay

Waning on the other side of violent deaths

Still you shine brightly as you did that first new dawn

Beckoning my spirit to dance and sing

In spite of the shadows you cast on my face

Here I should end it all

Drive the sword through the heart of every fantasy

And live forever swept with the sea foam

Never to land on any fertile shore

For others have paid more for their guilt

Than only to survive with their unforgiven sins

~12/3/15, 12:06 AM~

October 3, 2014- 11:12 pm. A Poem.

Why do I love you most when you’re asleep?

I find myself, in my sleepless drudgery,

Thinking of you- and us

As we were, happy and glowing

Past our golden years already?

I wonder where your dreams have led you

Into the arms of another reality

Or fighting to regain your hope in this one,

The trench we lay in together

Shooting rounds into the air

Dodging them as they strike down upon us,

Our weary minds wishing for the city on a hill

Before we poisoned our water with neglect

And drove our dreams into the dim hallways of our wandering minds

Ever focused on the march forward

But towards what end? And what rejuvenation?

Sweet sleep should come to me, and open my eyes

To you, waiting to join my fears and hope

On the other side

But you are always absent from my dreams

So I love you most while you dream in secret

Wander Away

August 1st, 2009-

I'm going out on a journey, 
And you're invited along. 
I'm going out on the lonely road, 
And I'm sure it will be long.
I won't be coming back again, 
Not until I've found what I need.
Please, come away with me, 
And I swear that I'll let you lead.
Oh, don't leave me by the path, 
Just hold tight to my hand,
And don't leave me at all alone, 
Until you know I will stand.
I'm going on an adventure, 
And really, I am scared.
I might get lost a few more times, 
But at least I'll be prepared.

I'm going away from here-
From all this hate and grief and pain
And don't expect me back again
Until the last tear has dried.
Then I'll come down the path once more
And you'll be waiting at the door, unless-
I'm going out on a journey, 
And I wish you'd come along.
We could head out for the wild trail, 
To find what makes us strong.

So come with me 
Out into nowhere, 
Out into where we belong.

Editing the Long Ago

Too long have I stood
A shield from the world's eyes,
Protective of your fragile soul-
But you should face all that you despise.
And no longer can I gently try
To help you to believe
When all along your stubborn eyes
Have been pressed against your sleeve.
You're not mine to hold this time,
Though I will miss you, Dear,
And I will look for your bright smile
Throughout the lonely years.
And if my tears reach to your heart
Could you please let me know
That all I've held so close and true
Still might have room to grow?
Yet too long have I known
That you weren't mine to save.
Now I can see that hopeful fools
Work in desperate ways.

Originally composed- 2010.

Visions

Never before, this side of nighttime
Lone, here am I
Beyond bridges
Burned and sunken-
Sparks catch in red
The greenest wood

The water must rise
Throat-high
As I recall
Fast-flowing ghosts, now sleeping
Happily
Deadened  thoughts
Made loose by repetition
Time spent completely
In raucous innocence
That only shakes the most devout
Lips and fingers and toes

And now
Stillness
While
You
Rest
In wisps around my brow
Passing by in soft-focus visions
Of firsts
And never-agains
Grey smoke eyes closed
Drowned before the day came,
Dead embers in my hands

Inside

Insanity settles

Like a fly on the brain

Wet tongue

Sponging bruises

Made of sleeping dreams

I never asked to have

But I will keep what I am given

Against

Scarred fingers that push like iron spikes

Separating dovetail sutures

Bone over the mash

That they call myself

Rising

Gold amongst the tree trunks! Leaked from Helios' pores
Dewed by a night with Selene,
Half-full. Rounded belly,
Waxing to life while her lover rests.
Morning, do you know
Where your life began?